3/31/14
I have lost what were probably my last fitness training clients. Who could blame them? No one wants a mime for a personal trainer. It was really nice of them to even give it a try. I sincerely hope to retain them as friends.
Pretty much all i have for income now are the dogs i take care of. How i love working with them! They are always delighted to see me, which is a nice change from the resigned dread a fitness trainer is usually greeted with. Not one of them seems to have noticed my becoming silent. As long as i smell consistently the same and provide a generous supply of treats, they are my friends for life. Best of all, while i am obliged to pick up their crap, they never give me any.
Monday, March 31, 2014
Sunday, March 30, 2014
a year of silence
3/30/14
Whenever i'm with people for any length of time, they usually remember me as having "said" this or that, even though i never actually spoke. When i'm alone, the words in my head are so pronounced that i sometimes have to reassure myself that i didn't speak them out loud.
After years of hearing something, we tend to keep hearing it even after it's gone. Like an amputee can feel pain in a limb that's no longer there.
How long will it take the silence to establish itself? When does it become the norm instead of an aberration?
Whenever i'm with people for any length of time, they usually remember me as having "said" this or that, even though i never actually spoke. When i'm alone, the words in my head are so pronounced that i sometimes have to reassure myself that i didn't speak them out loud.
After years of hearing something, we tend to keep hearing it even after it's gone. Like an amputee can feel pain in a limb that's no longer there.
How long will it take the silence to establish itself? When does it become the norm instead of an aberration?
Saturday, March 29, 2014
a year of silence
3/29/14
So much in human relationships is based on reciprocation. When we offer a hand in greeting, we expect one in return. Often, we will cease to love if we are not loved back. Our work declines if there is no reward. We don't leave people voice messages if there is no chance of a return call.
I have received 2 voice mails since i began this project 3 months ago. Both were from a doctor's office concerning a procedure i had to have.
I have a close friend that lives out of state, who used to call me at least once a week and leave lengthy and entertaining phone messages. I used to reciprocate far less often, with less lengthy and far less entertaining messages of my own. Due to a time difference and busy schedules, we rarely were able to actually converse. Now that i am silent, and my infrequent return messages are reduced to nil, the entertaining voice mail has ceased. I miss those phone messages.
I'm afraid my year in silence has been interpreted as a wish to sever ties or at the very least viewed as a selfish discourtesy. Neither is true (as far as i'm consciously aware).
To expect unconditional love is unrealistic and i'm very doubtful such a thing even exists (except possibly, between parent and child). When someone tells you they love you, they mean right now. Do not take anything for granted.
So much in human relationships is based on reciprocation. When we offer a hand in greeting, we expect one in return. Often, we will cease to love if we are not loved back. Our work declines if there is no reward. We don't leave people voice messages if there is no chance of a return call.
I have received 2 voice mails since i began this project 3 months ago. Both were from a doctor's office concerning a procedure i had to have.
I have a close friend that lives out of state, who used to call me at least once a week and leave lengthy and entertaining phone messages. I used to reciprocate far less often, with less lengthy and far less entertaining messages of my own. Due to a time difference and busy schedules, we rarely were able to actually converse. Now that i am silent, and my infrequent return messages are reduced to nil, the entertaining voice mail has ceased. I miss those phone messages.
I'm afraid my year in silence has been interpreted as a wish to sever ties or at the very least viewed as a selfish discourtesy. Neither is true (as far as i'm consciously aware).
To expect unconditional love is unrealistic and i'm very doubtful such a thing even exists (except possibly, between parent and child). When someone tells you they love you, they mean right now. Do not take anything for granted.
Friday, March 28, 2014
a year of silence
3/28/14
Keeping your mouth shut:
Prevents your hair from getting in it on windy days.
If you have bad breath, no one will ever know.
Nobody makes fun of your accent.
No one "shhhh's" you.
You don't worry about food being stuck in your teeth.
You will never be overheard saying something bad.
Thinking to yourself, "i wish i'd said..." is now a moot point.
Keeping your mouth shut:
Prevents your hair from getting in it on windy days.
If you have bad breath, no one will ever know.
Nobody makes fun of your accent.
No one "shhhh's" you.
You don't worry about food being stuck in your teeth.
You will never be overheard saying something bad.
Thinking to yourself, "i wish i'd said..." is now a moot point.
Thursday, March 27, 2014
a year of silence
3/27/14
Many of the people i cross paths with treat me like i'm mentally challenged in some way. I wonder if people who have actual physical impairments experience this kind of behavior?
When people realize i do not speak, their voices and manner often take on a sympathetic, almost condescending air. They frequently smile, speak slowly and simply, proffering a thumbs up accompanied with a kind nod. I am not offended by this charitable tone. Although misguided, it is well intended. We all tend to pity those we perceive to be "less fortunate" than ourselves.
Mentally challenged........what a relative term. Maybe i am mentally challenged? Maybe i have been all my life and never realized it until now. I honestly feel just about everyone is mentally challenged in one way or another, we just aren't aware of it.
Many of the people i cross paths with treat me like i'm mentally challenged in some way. I wonder if people who have actual physical impairments experience this kind of behavior?
When people realize i do not speak, their voices and manner often take on a sympathetic, almost condescending air. They frequently smile, speak slowly and simply, proffering a thumbs up accompanied with a kind nod. I am not offended by this charitable tone. Although misguided, it is well intended. We all tend to pity those we perceive to be "less fortunate" than ourselves.
Mentally challenged........what a relative term. Maybe i am mentally challenged? Maybe i have been all my life and never realized it until now. I honestly feel just about everyone is mentally challenged in one way or another, we just aren't aware of it.
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
a year of silence
3/26/14
It's been around 3 months of silence so far.
You know that feeling you get.....when you're driving down the highway, and you think that maybe you've already passed your exit? .......but you keep on driving anyway?
It's been around 3 months of silence so far.
You know that feeling you get.....when you're driving down the highway, and you think that maybe you've already passed your exit? .......but you keep on driving anyway?
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
a year of silence
3/25/14
Dumb \adj - 4a: not willing to speak
6: markedly lacking in intelligence : exasperatingly obtuse
Dumb \adj - 4a: not willing to speak
6: markedly lacking in intelligence : exasperatingly obtuse
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