2/12/14
Just because i think or believe something doesn't make it so. In my own mind, i'm an artist who explores the world, trying to convey my observations through various media. From many other people's viewpoints, i'm some weird doorknob who needs to cease this nonsense and resume talking immediately (preferably at the next available job interview).
My rather tenuous means of income has already suffered a bit because of this experiment in silence. I have also lost contact with a few people i thought i was close with.... and it's only been about a month since i started. I think a lot of people are uncomfortable with the face to face intimacy that is required when conversing with me one on one. But a lot of these friends have discontinued text communication as well.
As might be surmised, i am not a "people person" in any sense of the word. Having the interpersonal skills of an irritated porcupine coupled with an obsessive devotion to Art, does not make for a large circle of friends. Maybe this latest project was the "last straw" for a few of them.
Nothing is entirely anything. Simply put, i think it was a combination of factors that caused these friends to fall by the wayside. Often, many of us feel that convenience is an important aspect in any relationship. We don't date people who live too far away, and we don't stay in touch with people who make communicating more difficult.
I do not take stated or inferred criticism lightly. I strive to see myself and the world with complete objectivity. Therefore, i am left wondering how desirable a friend could i have been in the first place, to have been so readily dismissed.
I am not harming anyone with my silence (except maybe myself), so it will continue
uninterrupted. Truth can be an unpleasant thing, so many of us go to great lengths to avoid confronting it. But all quality Art contains some truth that cannot be ignored.
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
a year of silence
2/11/14
If i came with subtitles this would be a lot easier.
Many people do not want to take the time and effort necessary to engage in "conversation" with someone who does not speak. When i run into acquaintances who were formally quite chatty, i now just receive a silent wave or a cursory hello before they move on. Often, before i've quietly mouthed three words, people become exasperated and exclaim that they can't read lips. If i try to communicate by writing things down, they quickly become impatient at the extra drain on their time.
People have busy lives and anything that might involve sacrificing a little bit more time has to be very important to them. Many of us will not go to a movie if it involves reading subtitles, forget about taking the time to indulge an artist who refuses to speak.
The most important thing any of us possess is not our home or our car. It is our time. Yet we seem so ready to barter it away for things that we don't really need and that have no lasting value. We work at jobs we despise for 40, 50 or 60 hours a week, so we can make the payments on all our stuff. Many of us eagerly watch the clock, actually wanting the time to pass more swiftly in between ephemeral moments of fun. We will wait in line for hours to get into a nightspot for 40 minutes. Rushing from activity to activity, the time spent in between is considered a waste and treated like empty space.
I do not like the passing of time. Time is only a friend to the grief stricken and brokenhearted. Otherwise, it is a cheat and a swindler. I love to look at the clock and see that it is earlier than i thought. Yet, i refuse to wear the cold face on my wrist... constantly reminding me of my mortality, its hands flailing away on my life. We think we have all the time in the world, while in truth we have very little.
I think it's important to make priorities in order to best utilize our precious time. I try to take every moment possible and smell, see, feel and taste it. I will turn moments in my hand to examine every facet, and i loathe to let them go. So, i completely understand if someone doesn't want to take the time to try and communicate with me. Their priorities are probably very different than mine.
If i came with subtitles this would be a lot easier.
Many people do not want to take the time and effort necessary to engage in "conversation" with someone who does not speak. When i run into acquaintances who were formally quite chatty, i now just receive a silent wave or a cursory hello before they move on. Often, before i've quietly mouthed three words, people become exasperated and exclaim that they can't read lips. If i try to communicate by writing things down, they quickly become impatient at the extra drain on their time.
People have busy lives and anything that might involve sacrificing a little bit more time has to be very important to them. Many of us will not go to a movie if it involves reading subtitles, forget about taking the time to indulge an artist who refuses to speak.
The most important thing any of us possess is not our home or our car. It is our time. Yet we seem so ready to barter it away for things that we don't really need and that have no lasting value. We work at jobs we despise for 40, 50 or 60 hours a week, so we can make the payments on all our stuff. Many of us eagerly watch the clock, actually wanting the time to pass more swiftly in between ephemeral moments of fun. We will wait in line for hours to get into a nightspot for 40 minutes. Rushing from activity to activity, the time spent in between is considered a waste and treated like empty space.
I do not like the passing of time. Time is only a friend to the grief stricken and brokenhearted. Otherwise, it is a cheat and a swindler. I love to look at the clock and see that it is earlier than i thought. Yet, i refuse to wear the cold face on my wrist... constantly reminding me of my mortality, its hands flailing away on my life. We think we have all the time in the world, while in truth we have very little.
I think it's important to make priorities in order to best utilize our precious time. I try to take every moment possible and smell, see, feel and taste it. I will turn moments in my hand to examine every facet, and i loathe to let them go. So, i completely understand if someone doesn't want to take the time to try and communicate with me. Their priorities are probably very different than mine.
Monday, February 10, 2014
a year of silence
2/9/14
I have encountered my first (and certainly not my last) major financial expense because of my silence. I was forced to cancel some flight reservations i had made on a popular travel web site prior to my going silent. An emergency had occurred, making it impossible for me to make the trip.
Usually, when this kind of situation arises you are given a credit (after various penalty fees are deducted) towards rescheduled travel on the airline you had originally booked. But apparently, you MUST reschedule by phone in order to use this money. I was informed that there is absolutely no other way to utilize this credit. You have one year from the date of the original booking to do this transaction.
Since i will not use my voice, this money appears to be forfeit. I could easily ask a friend to call for me and handle the rescheduling of my travel arrangements, but that would negate the purpose of my silence project. Having someone speak for you is the same as speaking yourself "noise-wise", so it is not an option as far as i'm concerned.
I feel sorry for people who are physically unable to speak in this kind of circumstance. I wonder what other situations will arise in which making noise is a requirement, not an option?
2/10/14
While i do not want this blog to be a tedious accounting of my day to day activities, something has just occurred which relates to yesterday's entry. I have encountered another "bump" on my quiet road.
I was leaving an establishment and someone in front of me courteously held the door open for me. My usual response to a kindness such as this, is to smile and quietly mouth the words, "thank you". But in this instance, the person's back was to me and they were unaware of my efforts. The outcome of this arrangement was the person muttering in an angry voice, "you're welcome!", as they strode away in front of me.
I value and employ good manners in all aspects of my life. I think good manners are an important part of making everyday life more pleasant for everyone. It disturbs me that due to my insistence on remaining silent, this person may hesitate to hold the door for someone else in the future. In this instance, my silence may have effected the world in a negative, rather than positive way.
It wasn't the person who held the door's fault, but i find myself wishing they had just looked at me and thereby become more aware of the context of the situation.
I have encountered my first (and certainly not my last) major financial expense because of my silence. I was forced to cancel some flight reservations i had made on a popular travel web site prior to my going silent. An emergency had occurred, making it impossible for me to make the trip.
Usually, when this kind of situation arises you are given a credit (after various penalty fees are deducted) towards rescheduled travel on the airline you had originally booked. But apparently, you MUST reschedule by phone in order to use this money. I was informed that there is absolutely no other way to utilize this credit. You have one year from the date of the original booking to do this transaction.
Since i will not use my voice, this money appears to be forfeit. I could easily ask a friend to call for me and handle the rescheduling of my travel arrangements, but that would negate the purpose of my silence project. Having someone speak for you is the same as speaking yourself "noise-wise", so it is not an option as far as i'm concerned.
I feel sorry for people who are physically unable to speak in this kind of circumstance. I wonder what other situations will arise in which making noise is a requirement, not an option?
2/10/14
While i do not want this blog to be a tedious accounting of my day to day activities, something has just occurred which relates to yesterday's entry. I have encountered another "bump" on my quiet road.
I was leaving an establishment and someone in front of me courteously held the door open for me. My usual response to a kindness such as this, is to smile and quietly mouth the words, "thank you". But in this instance, the person's back was to me and they were unaware of my efforts. The outcome of this arrangement was the person muttering in an angry voice, "you're welcome!", as they strode away in front of me.
I value and employ good manners in all aspects of my life. I think good manners are an important part of making everyday life more pleasant for everyone. It disturbs me that due to my insistence on remaining silent, this person may hesitate to hold the door for someone else in the future. In this instance, my silence may have effected the world in a negative, rather than positive way.
It wasn't the person who held the door's fault, but i find myself wishing they had just looked at me and thereby become more aware of the context of the situation.
Saturday, February 8, 2014
a year of silence
2/7/14
To communicate with others is commonly regarded as "sharing". To cease speaking can be interpreted as no longer having a desire to share. Becoming antisocial is not an intended component of this project.
As mentioned earlier, i have found that just soundlessly mouthing words can be a very effective way of communicating. Interestingly, i have discovered that far more females than males are readily adept at reading my lips. The numbers in this comparison are so disparate that it can't just be attributed to chance.
I do not believe in assigning characteristics to human beings based on their gender, so this phenomenon puzzles me. I am going to continue this comparison as the year continues and try to formulate some kind of explanation.
2/8/14
I have had two encounters with hearing impaired people since i began this piece. I did not speak at either meeting, yet neither of these people assumed i was hearing impaired. Both communicated with me vocally, in a regular, unaltered fashion.
Conversely, nearly everyone i have come across who does not appear to have any difficulty hearing, instantly assumes that i do. Many of these people will subsequently raise their voices and enunciate more emphatically. When i assure them, by means of gesturing, that i can hear them perfectly well, they will often begin to whisper. What a wonderful, unexpected phenomena! My silence has somehow inadvertently caused others to be (momentarily) more quiet!
To communicate with others is commonly regarded as "sharing". To cease speaking can be interpreted as no longer having a desire to share. Becoming antisocial is not an intended component of this project.
As mentioned earlier, i have found that just soundlessly mouthing words can be a very effective way of communicating. Interestingly, i have discovered that far more females than males are readily adept at reading my lips. The numbers in this comparison are so disparate that it can't just be attributed to chance.
I do not believe in assigning characteristics to human beings based on their gender, so this phenomenon puzzles me. I am going to continue this comparison as the year continues and try to formulate some kind of explanation.
2/8/14
I have had two encounters with hearing impaired people since i began this piece. I did not speak at either meeting, yet neither of these people assumed i was hearing impaired. Both communicated with me vocally, in a regular, unaltered fashion.
Conversely, nearly everyone i have come across who does not appear to have any difficulty hearing, instantly assumes that i do. Many of these people will subsequently raise their voices and enunciate more emphatically. When i assure them, by means of gesturing, that i can hear them perfectly well, they will often begin to whisper. What a wonderful, unexpected phenomena! My silence has somehow inadvertently caused others to be (momentarily) more quiet!
Thursday, February 6, 2014
a year of silence
2/6/14
"You think to much."
"He was quiet and kept to himself."
"Silence is a waste."
The first two quotes have almost become cliche's. The third is from a doctor when she misread a tattoo i have (it actually says, "silence is wisdom" in Latin). She felt her misinterpretation was a more accurate assessment on the nature of silence.
Silence is generally held in contempt by a large segment of society. If you are quiet in a group setting, you are boring. If you're quiet by nature, you are weird and regarded with suspicion. All truly fun things seem to involve a lot of boisterous noise. All the more mundane things in life appear to involve quiet thought.
Why is quiet reflection so vilified in our modern world? Is slowing down to pause for a moment and actually think, such a terrible thing? Being quiet doesn't lead to serial killing. Desensitization to violence, a stunted sense of empathy and a bizarre desire for recognition, are far more likely steps to the mental imbalance that would lead someone to kill. Is talking about the activities of a popular celebrity over blaring music at a party, more interesting than a group discussion about the art of acting in a quiet park (if you can find one)? Maybe it is.....Maybe "blowing off steam" by being as loud as possible is healthy and fun......
Making "noise" can be a necessary and desirable thing. Speaking up at a town meeting over an important issue, laughing out loud, and playing the piano at a concert, are just a few instances where sound can be truly great. But sound and noise can be two very different things. Deciding which is which can be a matter of opinion and open to debate.
In my experience, a lot of people prefer noise, any noise, over silence.
"You think to much."
"He was quiet and kept to himself."
"Silence is a waste."
The first two quotes have almost become cliche's. The third is from a doctor when she misread a tattoo i have (it actually says, "silence is wisdom" in Latin). She felt her misinterpretation was a more accurate assessment on the nature of silence.
Silence is generally held in contempt by a large segment of society. If you are quiet in a group setting, you are boring. If you're quiet by nature, you are weird and regarded with suspicion. All truly fun things seem to involve a lot of boisterous noise. All the more mundane things in life appear to involve quiet thought.
Why is quiet reflection so vilified in our modern world? Is slowing down to pause for a moment and actually think, such a terrible thing? Being quiet doesn't lead to serial killing. Desensitization to violence, a stunted sense of empathy and a bizarre desire for recognition, are far more likely steps to the mental imbalance that would lead someone to kill. Is talking about the activities of a popular celebrity over blaring music at a party, more interesting than a group discussion about the art of acting in a quiet park (if you can find one)? Maybe it is.....Maybe "blowing off steam" by being as loud as possible is healthy and fun......
Making "noise" can be a necessary and desirable thing. Speaking up at a town meeting over an important issue, laughing out loud, and playing the piano at a concert, are just a few instances where sound can be truly great. But sound and noise can be two very different things. Deciding which is which can be a matter of opinion and open to debate.
In my experience, a lot of people prefer noise, any noise, over silence.
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
a year of silence
2/5/14
Before beginning this piece, i would frequently talk to myself. I am someone who is alone often, but rarely lonely, so i don't think my "self conversations" evolved from a sense of isolation. Rather, they were a way for me to organize my thoughts. My head was so busy that i had to voice thoughts in order to sift them from the clutter.
Having a lot going on in your brain doesn't necessarily make you a smart person. On the contrary, i think a good part of intelligence is just being able to achieve a singular clarity of thought. My mind is noisy with petty problems, ruminations over occurrences long past, and the experiencing of (and desire for) sensations.
I think many of us live for excitement. It doesn't matter if it's putting up decorations in the anticipation of yet another holiday or raptly watching some gruesome catastrophe on the evening news, we crave sensation. Sex, drugs, power, status and buying stuff, can become lifelong, all encompassing pursuits. An entire lifetime can be lived episodically, just going from one sensation to the next. It is very easy to avoid thinking or reflecting entirely.
If you turn down the volume in your head you are opening the door to more reflection. Vapid songs no longer repeat endlessly in your mind, so it is no longer necessary for you to voice your thoughts out loud in order to organize them. But is a lot of quiet reflection a desirable thing?
Before beginning this piece, i would frequently talk to myself. I am someone who is alone often, but rarely lonely, so i don't think my "self conversations" evolved from a sense of isolation. Rather, they were a way for me to organize my thoughts. My head was so busy that i had to voice thoughts in order to sift them from the clutter.
Having a lot going on in your brain doesn't necessarily make you a smart person. On the contrary, i think a good part of intelligence is just being able to achieve a singular clarity of thought. My mind is noisy with petty problems, ruminations over occurrences long past, and the experiencing of (and desire for) sensations.
I think many of us live for excitement. It doesn't matter if it's putting up decorations in the anticipation of yet another holiday or raptly watching some gruesome catastrophe on the evening news, we crave sensation. Sex, drugs, power, status and buying stuff, can become lifelong, all encompassing pursuits. An entire lifetime can be lived episodically, just going from one sensation to the next. It is very easy to avoid thinking or reflecting entirely.
If you turn down the volume in your head you are opening the door to more reflection. Vapid songs no longer repeat endlessly in your mind, so it is no longer necessary for you to voice your thoughts out loud in order to organize them. But is a lot of quiet reflection a desirable thing?
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
a year of silence
2/4/14
All previously made obligations that entailed the use of my voice have been completed. I can now begin my endeavor in earnest.
During my brief hiatus away from writing about this piece, i have only spoken while training the aforementioned couple. Having not spoken otherwise, silence has become my norm. I enjoy it, and my voice has become harsh and unpleasant to me. When i briefly spoke, it was as if i was listening to a recording of myself. The sound was grating and somehow, foreign.
It is with new resolve that i continue my project. I cannot allow anything or anyone to hinder its progress. In this first stage, i have already become acutely aware of all noise. Most of all, my own.
All previously made obligations that entailed the use of my voice have been completed. I can now begin my endeavor in earnest.
During my brief hiatus away from writing about this piece, i have only spoken while training the aforementioned couple. Having not spoken otherwise, silence has become my norm. I enjoy it, and my voice has become harsh and unpleasant to me. When i briefly spoke, it was as if i was listening to a recording of myself. The sound was grating and somehow, foreign.
It is with new resolve that i continue my project. I cannot allow anything or anyone to hinder its progress. In this first stage, i have already become acutely aware of all noise. Most of all, my own.
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